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Realizing You’re in a Toxic Relationship

Realizing You’re in a Toxic Relationship

I’ve had a lot of toxic people weave themselves in and out of my life; they’ve come in the forms of acquaintances, so called “friends,” romantic relationships and even family members. Toxic people seek out gentle souls; they want someone to pick apart, to dismantle from the inside out and poison them with their manipulation until they’re a shell of their former selves. They see something beautiful within you, something they don’t have or see within themselves. They want to destroy that light that’s in you, to bring you down to their level. It’s sometimes hard to see a situation for what it is when you’re in it yourself. You can’t really see it from an “outside looking in” perspective, making it more difficult to identify. 


But once you’ve hit that realization, that overwhelming knowledge of, “What happening?”- it hits you like a bolt of lightning; completely shocking your system and leaving you in a state of distress. It’s a hard pill to swallow, that you couldn’t see what was right in front of you. But coming to that realization, that’s the beginning of how you take your power back. When a toxic person can no longer control you, they may try to control how others see you. That’s their way of trying to keep the control they had over you intact but with your new knowledge, you now know the game they’re playing. You may feel inclined to react, to reach out to them to say something, but that’s exactly what they want. And here’s the thing. You. Don’t. Owe. Them. Anything.

“They see something beautiful within you, something they don’t have or see within themselves. They want to destroy that light that’s in you, to bring you down to their level. “

You have every right to cut toxic people off and out of your life without any explanation or warning. It’s one of the hardest things you’ll ever do but you owe it to yourself to drop the baggage of them holding you down. They’ve taken enough from you, they don’t deserve to get anything else out of you. You deserve to make yourself a priority. The road to healing isn’t an easy one; it’s bumpy, difficult and sometimes hard to face. But know this; you WILL get through it, you WILL heal from the damage they have inflicted. The scars that are left behind from them do not define you, they are apart of you, but they are not who you are. It’s an everyday thing healing, an every minute thing, to heal from various types of trauma. Some days will be easier than others but little by little, the weight of the situation will lessen over time. I know this first handedly because I’m a sadly no stranger to this type of treatment and I myself am still healing everyday.

“…we are only human and we all make mistakes. And sometimes, some of those mistakes just happen to be people. “

The most important take away is to be kind and forgive yourself, we are only human and we all make mistakes. And sometimes, some of those mistakes just happen to be people. Unfortunately people don’t come with a warning label and looks can be deceiving, you never really know whats lying just underneath the surface of someone’s intentions. But everything is a learning experience, whether it’s good or bad. Life is all about the journey, not the destination. It doesn’t matter how long the journey takes because the journey is never ending, so don’t give up along the way to get there. Remember to be gentle with yourself, we’re all just a work in progress. 

So I’ll end this with a short but powerful statement. When you forgive, you heal. And when you let go, you grow. And that, that is where your power lies.


Rebecca Pallack is an inspiring writer born and raised in the Chicagoland area. When she’s not filing a page with her inner most thoughts, she has four legged creatures to keep her days busy. Writing has always been one of her passions, with words flowing as freely to her fingertips as air flows deeply into lungs. Through her writings hopes to make the world a better, more understanding place, one passage at a time.

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