Categories
Body

My Weekend with an Audio Porn Star


Audio erotica (or audio porn) is a large and emerging platform. I spent the weekend with Jim from Feel-Good Filth to explore conversations on sexuality and more. It’s 2 am and I’m sipping on a lemon la croix… and I have Jim from Feel-Good Filth to thank for my new found admiration for this fizzy little drink. Who’s Jim from FGF, you ask? well…


Jim is one of the many artists in a new genre of pornography/ erotica in audio format. Audio erotica (or audio porn) is a large and emerging platform. I spent the weekend with Jim from Feel-Good Filth to explore conversations on sexuality, mental health, healing with therapy and cannabis, and so much more.


What IS Audio Porn?

Audio porn is exactly like it sounds- and ranges from super vanilla boyfriend cuddle talk all the way to filthy, dirty-talking, or even “overheard” sounds of couples doing the dirty-dirty. The sky is literally the limit as new platforms start to emerge such as Quinn and Dipsea. These platforms not only encourage women (and all genders) to explore their sexuality through a different, immersive experience but it also allows the listener to fully engage within their own pleasure. Visual pornography – in my honest opinion – 9 times out of 10 glorifies unrealistic body standards.


Exploring Sexuality in a Safe Environment

Many womxn have reached out to me over the past few months since Jim and I first recorded our podcast. A notable amount of comments mentioned their preference to audio erotica over the more traditional, visual pornography. A general consensus expressed the feeling there was very little representation of natural body sizes in visual porn along with underlying tones of misogyny and influences of glamorizing rape-culture.

When I reached out to Jim’s fans, I was really taken a back by how many women mentioned they have been able to explore their sexuality in a safe environment, a concept that was completely new and freeing to some. Beyond sexuality, many women also noted a boost in confidence with a deeper understanding more about who they are as a person.



You Matter, And Your Pleasure Matters

I’m going to be honest, I can’t remember at any point in my 5th and 7th grade health class/ Sex-Ed being told that my pleasure matters. And from a standard Western viewpoint, many people find that to be a totally radical concept. The act of sex, not even making love, has become so mechanical, with expectations of some huge big climax at the end. Women aren’t encouraged to explore their bodies and sexuality, and Men are rarely given the tools to navigate their partners pleasure. Many folks lack the capacity of engaging in sex, kink space, and explorations of pleasure as an experience and simply seek the pure satisfaction of the climax . During my weekend with Jim, our conversations of sexuality and speaking openly about both of our neurology was extremely inspiring to me.


I could count on one hand the amount of times in my life that I had a partner who was ever adamant about the experience of my pleasure – not just focused on the end result. Coming from someone of the opposite sex, it was truly refreshing hearing Jim’s perspective and his viewpoints on human sexuality, mental health and his journey, and speaking confidently about creating a safe space in the audio erotica community to welcome others to understand that their pleasure matters.


The Future of Audio Porn + Censorship


Recently, Jim had found out without warning that his original instagram account was deleted without any strikes or warnings. Anything that might have been NSFW was always blurred out on his content. Would the same thing have happened if he had his on account “private”? It’s hard to say. Social media platforms are always changing the terms of agreements, seemingly choosing what is and is not appropriate, which posts get the most viewership… It seems a little too big-brother-y for me. With this new and emerging genre of porn, many audio erotica artists utilize platforms such as instagram and twitter to promote their brands and content. It’s unfortunate that many people find themselves having to go through so much red tape to promote sex-positive content.


Whether audio erotica sounds like something you might be interested in exploring or maybe it’s something too far out of your comfort zone, I fully believe this emerging platform is going to change the way we view porn and sexuality. And if we’re lucky, we’ll have amazing allies like Jim, pioneering the way.


Where You Can Find Jim

Categories
Healing

Realizing You’re in a Toxic Relationship

I’ve had a lot of toxic people weave themselves in and out of my life; they’ve come in the forms of acquaintances, so called “friends,” romantic relationships and even family members. Toxic people seek out gentle souls; they want someone to pick apart, to dismantle from the inside out and poison them with their manipulation until they’re a shell of their former selves. They see something beautiful within you, something they don’t have or see within themselves. They want to destroy that light that’s in you, to bring you down to their level. It’s sometimes hard to see a situation for what it is when you’re in it yourself. You can’t really see it from an “outside looking in” perspective, making it more difficult to identify. 


But once you’ve hit that realization, that overwhelming knowledge of, “What happening?”- it hits you like a bolt of lightning; completely shocking your system and leaving you in a state of distress. It’s a hard pill to swallow, that you couldn’t see what was right in front of you. But coming to that realization, that’s the beginning of how you take your power back. When a toxic person can no longer control you, they may try to control how others see you. That’s their way of trying to keep the control they had over you intact but with your new knowledge, you now know the game they’re playing. You may feel inclined to react, to reach out to them to say something, but that’s exactly what they want. And here’s the thing. You. Don’t. Owe. Them. Anything.

“They see something beautiful within you, something they don’t have or see within themselves. They want to destroy that light that’s in you, to bring you down to their level. “

You have every right to cut toxic people off and out of your life without any explanation or warning. It’s one of the hardest things you’ll ever do but you owe it to yourself to drop the baggage of them holding you down. They’ve taken enough from you, they don’t deserve to get anything else out of you. You deserve to make yourself a priority. The road to healing isn’t an easy one; it’s bumpy, difficult and sometimes hard to face. But know this; you WILL get through it, you WILL heal from the damage they have inflicted. The scars that are left behind from them do not define you, they are apart of you, but they are not who you are. It’s an everyday thing healing, an every minute thing, to heal from various types of trauma. Some days will be easier than others but little by little, the weight of the situation will lessen over time. I know this first handedly because I’m a sadly no stranger to this type of treatment and I myself am still healing everyday.

“…we are only human and we all make mistakes. And sometimes, some of those mistakes just happen to be people. “

The most important take away is to be kind and forgive yourself, we are only human and we all make mistakes. And sometimes, some of those mistakes just happen to be people. Unfortunately people don’t come with a warning label and looks can be deceiving, you never really know whats lying just underneath the surface of someone’s intentions. But everything is a learning experience, whether it’s good or bad. Life is all about the journey, not the destination. It doesn’t matter how long the journey takes because the journey is never ending, so don’t give up along the way to get there. Remember to be gentle with yourself, we’re all just a work in progress. 

So I’ll end this with a short but powerful statement. When you forgive, you heal. And when you let go, you grow. And that, that is where your power lies.


Rebecca Pallack is an inspiring writer born and raised in the Chicagoland area. When she’s not filing a page with her inner most thoughts, she has four legged creatures to keep her days busy. Writing has always been one of her passions, with words flowing as freely to her fingertips as air flows deeply into lungs. Through her writings hopes to make the world a better, more understanding place, one passage at a time.

Categories
Healing Travel

Ancient Temazcal Experience in Sayulita

When I first moved to Mexico in 2015, I had no idea that the ancient indigenous tradition of a healing Temazcal would be so prominent in that season of my life. I had never heard of Temazcals and had no previous knowledge of the ancient traditions. I had never done a sweat lodge, so I didn’t even have that to compare it to. “Temazcal” comes from the Nahuatl word temāzcalli, meaning “house of heat”.  My first traditional temezcal was in Sayulita in the middle of the jungle.

temazcal-sayulita

What is a Temazcal?

A temazcal is an ancient ceremony that originates from indigenous mesoamerican people (Aztec, Mayan, Olmecs). The ancient ceremony and rituals are said to hold many healing properties that cleanse your body, mind and spirit. To participate, you gather around the ceremonial grandfather fire and your guide (shaman, temazcalero/a) will typically burn copal to bless the four directions. The fire is representative of the great Grandfather spirit, and the Temazcal itself is to represent the Mother Womb. The ritual will usually be in either Spanish or an ancient dialect. Depending on the ceremonial ritual or if that specific day has a special meaning for a different God on the Mayan calendar, the prayer / blessing may be different. Each sweat celebrates different occasions, seasonal changes, days of recognition, moon cycles, etc.,

Once the prayer is over, everyone participating will line up and one by one the shaman will be blessing you, your body and spirit. Crawling on all fours and going clockwise, you will find yourself siting in a small temazcal.

Inside the Temazcal

As the temazcal is to represent the Mother Womb, as you enter, you bow forward and give the affirmation, “Strength for all my relations, Aho!”  As everyone comes in, the shaman will enter with a drum, or some musical instrument, and a large pot of water that has been boiling next to the fire. Inside the large pots of water are herbs and flowers that not only help cleanse the body, but the spirit as well.

There are four rounds to the cycle of the ceremony, and each cycle or “door” is representative of something special. During the ceremony, there tends to be singing, affirmations or those asking for prayers and strength. The shaman may ask everyone to mention their names and any specific blessings they would like to offer. Depending on the size of your group, your temazcal can last anywhere from an hour to several hours. After the final round, one by one you leave the sacred temazcal, feeling fresh, renewed and hopefully a little less “heavy” (in the spiritual, emotional and physical sense of the word).

ancient-offerings

My Experience

I was invited to attend the last day of a women’s workshop focusing on healing the sacred feminine soul. That afternoon was one of the most challenging and most healing experiences of my life. The entire workshop was in Spanish and it was clear all these women had known each other well before the workshop. I felt nervous, scared, a little light headed. What was going to happen? During the beginning of the ceremony the shaman welcomed all of us, and mentioned this Temazcal was to heal our sacred feminine spirit, and since many of these women were mothers- they were asked to also release themselves of the traumas and challenges and wounds and burdens that so many mothers carry. Prayers for sons, daughters, nieces and nephews were encouraged.

Offerings were brought to the altar in between the Temazcal and the fire. As we all stood around the fire, the shaman held up a cup of burning copal. The smell of copal was absolutely intoxicating. I felt as if I was taken back to my ancestors. The smokey, rich smell of wet earth and notes of sandal wood tickled my nose. Our Temazcalera gave offerings to the four directions. After each blessing, three men blew the Conch shell and I could hear it echo throughout the jungle. It was mesmerizing.

offerings

We sat inside and I could feel the hard earth beneath my knee length skirt. After four people came in after me I could already feel the heat rising. The man helping with the fire brought in the first set of rocks. As 5 large volcanic rocks came into the temazcal, the man would shout, “Hot Rocks of the Earth” and we would respond, “Welcome grandparents”. The hot volcanic stones being heated from the fire represent the grandmother and grandfather spirit. Copal is placed on each rock as it was put into the middle of our sweat lodge in a 2 foot deep hole. More rocks would be added to the Temazcal after every “cycle”. The thought of this kept my mind racing and anxiety building up.

“I’m not going to be able to do this….”

As we all settled in, our shaman asked us to go around the circle, say our names, where we’re from, and what blessings or words we would like to share. Immediately I did a head count inside and realized there were 13 of us, and I was number 6. I then realized this was going to take a while. I immediately felt a sudden surge of judgement and equal parts fear. “I’m not going to be able to do this”, I kept thinking.

As it was my turn to talk, I just felt this urge to cry. Bawling in English I just cried and felt this sense of sadness. I jumbled my words and couldn’t get the last words out. I kept thinking, where is this coming from? Most of the women had no idea what I was saying. As I spoke, the shaman just kept putting more and more water onto the hot stones. Hot steam brushed upon my face and made my body feel instantly hot and cold. I realized at that moment this was going to be an extremely difficult and emotional purge for myself.

Is a Temazcal for Everyone?

The short answer to this question is, yes. If you have found that an experience has found you (yes, please read again, the experience and healing has COME to you), the medicine is there to help you. I would caution those who are very claustrophobic, have high blood pressure, or may have a lot of emotional blockages and traumas they are not ready to heal. The temazcal, as a result, holds many beneficial healing modalities.

If you’re looking and desperately seeking out spiritual enlightenment or trying to find some kind of “experience”, you may not be ready for what the experience has to fully offer you. For those who are looking and ready for major shifts to happen, or are seeking answers, or  simply looking to connect to spirit and source- a Temazcal may be an experience waiting for you.